She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
