All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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