so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
The power of my boobs compel you
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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