his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
