craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
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