I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
The dick lei will go down in squad history
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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