I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
