i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
