last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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