yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
