some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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