Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
