yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
