I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
