tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
