Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
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