She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize