If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
