Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
