I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
