Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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