I want to have your abortion
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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