thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
My ass is underappreciated
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
