Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
