i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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