my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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