we have pet lesbian snakes
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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