My hand turned me down
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Randomize
