Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Randomize
