I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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