I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
