So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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