I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
