If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
