mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
