i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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