its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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