We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
two words: eviction party
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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