sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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