i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
