My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Randomize
