My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
