Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
