I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
