He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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