I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
