I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
