maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
