You work out of a Hotel?
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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