Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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