Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
