we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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