a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
