i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
