she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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