I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
