Where did you get a picture of my penis
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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