im having a threesome with these popsicles
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
