I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
