I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
