Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
should my penis look like a turkey
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
