If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
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