we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
