My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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