You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
