i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
