am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
