sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize