im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
