He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
