you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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