There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
