Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
