Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
