hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I just gargled with NyQuil
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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