Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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