I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
