We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
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