She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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