He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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