Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
