You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Randomize
