Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He did a backflip because drugs
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
