I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
