I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i dont even know how to be here
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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