I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
My nipple is on Facebook.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
