The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
