Michael Bay diarrhea
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
