This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
