I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
