This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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