Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
