We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
