I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize