pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
