she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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