If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
the day after is always just damage control
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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