i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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