Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
