I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
