the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
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