Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
