Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
