smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize