reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize