sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
