he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
