In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Randomize
