yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
