if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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