it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
