I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
