"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
