dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
