my mouth tastes like poor choices
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
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